Forever, Again Read online

  Mom smiled. “Well, I wouldn’t send you to my therapist, Lily. I’d send you to one of his colleagues. He shares a practice with a Dr. White, and I’ve heard very good things about him. Maybe you could go see him.”

  “What if I don’t like him?”

  “Then we’ll find you someone else.”

  “Can I think about it?”

  “Of course,” she said easily. And then she got up and took our mugs with her to the sink. “For now, though, how about we both go back to bed and get another two hours of sleep before your first day?”

  “Yeah, okay,” I said, grudgingly. Even though I felt super-tired, I still wasn’t sleepy, but maybe I’d get in an hour if I didn’t think about it too much.

  Mom walked me back to my room and kissed me on the forehead before squeezing me into a comforting hug. “You’re a great kid, you know that?” she whispered as she held me.

  I smiled and squeezed back. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Now, just lay your head on the pillow and think about something nice and pleasant. You’ll be back to sleep in no time.”

  With a kiss on the cheek she left me at the door to my room, and I turned to watch her walk away, wishing it were that easy. Moving over to the bed, I got in and sighed wearily. But maybe Mom was right. Maybe if I focused on happier thoughts, I could keep the nightmares at bay. Trouble was, I was hard-pressed to come up with anything good.

  TRYING TO THINK ONLY GOOD THOUGHTS, I smiled brightly and turned from side to side in front of the mirror in my room, looking at my reflection. It was my first day of high school, and I so wanted to make a good impression. I dropped the smile, but I had to admit I was pretty satisfied with the final wardrobe selection. The skirt and top I’d gotten at Esprit were flattering, and they went perfectly with the wide belt I’d stolen from Momma’s closet. My thick socks, new high-tops, and big canary-yellow earrings, bracelet, and headband really pulled the whole look together.

  “You ready?” Daddy said from the doorway.

  I jumped a little. I hadn’t heard him in the hall. With a nervous laugh, I said, “Yeah. Sorry.”

  I blushed, then blushed deeper as I watched Daddy glance at the clothing scattered all over my room.

  “Sorry!” I said, hastening to straighten up.

  Daddy came forward to put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay, baby girl. Don’t worry about it. You can clean this up when you get home. I won’t tell your ma. It’ll be our secret.”

  I wrapped my arms around him. “Thanks, Daddy.”

  We headed out and Daddy drove the four miles to Chamberlain High. The school was undergoing a renovation, expanding because Fredericksburg would be including a freshman class next year, adding to the existing model of tenth through twelfth grades at Chamberlain High. I understood that this was in line with a lot of high schools across the country transitioning from the traditional elementary, junior high, high school model, to the elementary, middle school, high school curriculum. A year from now my old junior high would be called a middle school, and be made up of sixth through eighth graders, instead of seventh through ninth. I remembered when they announced the timing of all the changes that I’d been a little miffed that my class had been the one shorted out of the extra year of high school and stuck one more year in junior high. Heading to high school just felt so mature.

  Daddy pulled up to a line of cars parked alongside the drop-off lane leading to the high school. There was a big banner there that read WELCOME, CLASS OF 1987!

  My stomach bubbled with nerves and anticipation. My sophomore class would be made up of the graduates of three separate junior highs around the district. I wondered how I’d adjust to all those new kids. At least I had my two best friends at my side. It’d been Britta Cummings, Sara Radcliff, and me since kindergarten. We always looked out for one another.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Daddy glance at me. “Don’t worry, buttercup, high school isn’t any different from junior high except that the building is bigger and there’s more homework.”

  I turned hopeful eyes on him. Was it as easy as that?

  “Hey,” he said, pulling to stop at the curb and reaching over to cup my face. “You’re gonna do great. It’s your first day, and you look beautiful, so just go have some fun. There’ll be plenty of time to figure it all out later.”

  He always knew what to say. “Thanks, Daddy,” I said, leaning in to give him a big hug before taking a deep breath and getting out of the car.

  Walking toward the entrance, I looked around for Britta and Sara. We’d agreed to meet by the oak tree to the left of the front entrance.

  “Look out!” I heard someone call, and I turned my head just as something very hard thudded into my back. I cried out and stumbled, feeling myself losing my balance as if in slow motion, but at the last second an arm reached out and caught me around the middle.

  “Mind if I have this dance?” a mirthful voice said as my new school supplies slipped out of my hands and clattered to the sidewalk.

  I pushed my hair out of my eyes and turned slightly to stare up into the most beautiful face I’d ever seen. The boy who’d caught me before I could sprawl to the pavement hovered above me, wearing a smile and an intriguing glint in his bright blue eyes. His hair was light blond, nearly platinum, with no wave, and contrasted beautifully against his darkly tanned skin. He had broad shoulders, and, from the way he was bent over me, I suspected he was several inches taller than my five foot seven inch frame. The rest of his features were square, chiseled, and perfect.

  “You okay?” he asked me.

  I opened my mouth but no words came out. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He continued to hold me like that, his arm cradling me in a sort of dancer’s dip while I held on to his biceps. His very firm, well-defined biceps.

  “Uh…yes,” I finally managed. “I’m good.”

  He pulled me toward him as he stood the pair of us up straight, and he took his time letting me out of his embrace. I heard footsteps running toward us, and only when two other boys arrived did his arms release me.

  “Oh, man! I’m really sorry! Did that hurt?” said one of the boys. He was also tall, with very neatly combed brown hair and a polo shirt with the collar turned up.

  “I’m fine,” I said, rubbing a sore spot on my back. The boy who’d saved me leaned down and picked up a football, and I realized that’d been the thing that’d hit me.

  “I’m really sorry,” repeated the guy with the brown hair, and I had to give him credit. He looked very sorry, and also a little worried. “Please don’t turn me in.”

  I smiled to let him know it was all right. “It’s fine,” I repeated. “Besides, I don’t even know your name, so I can’t actually turn you in.”

  The anxiety furrowing his brow lessened and he grinned back at me. “I’m Jamie,” he said offering me his hand.

  I took it. “Amber.”

  The boy with the blond hair and blue eyes nudged Jamie in the shoulder and offered his own hand.

  “Spence,” he said. “The guy who didn’t hit you with the football.”

  I laughed, taking his hand. My midsection fluttered at the feel of his touch. My God, he was gorgeous. He idly tossed the football to Jamie and said, “I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute.”

  It was a not so subtle hint, and I felt my cheeks heat.

  Jamie cleared his throat and motioned to the other boy, whom I’d never been introduced to, and the pair of them moved off, leaving me still holding on to Spence’s hand.

  I let out another nervous laugh and attempted to pull away, but he held on to my fingers for an extra second, and in that moment it felt like fireworks in the air between us.

  “Are you a sophomore?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “Me, too,” he said.

  From a distance I heard my name called and turned to wave to Britt. She and Sara were waiting for me with eager smiles. I knew they couldn’t wait to hear about my conversation with the gorgeous boy in front of me.


  Spence looked over at them, too. “I should let you get back to your friends.”

  I wanted to protest, to keep him there longer, to gaze on his beautiful face and stand in the light of his smile, but I couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

  “Maybe I’ll see you around?” I said to him.

  His smile broadened. “Around? How about right here?” Pointing to the ground he added, “I’ll be right in this spot at three o’clock.”

  My breath quickened. “You will?”

  “Yep,” he said confidently. “I’ll be waiting to see if you’ll let me to walk you home.”

  “Is that so?” I said, thrilled with the little spark that seemed to light up between us.

  “Think you’ll let me?” he asked. “Walk you home?”

  I couldn’t stop smiling, but I didn’t think it was smart to appear too willing. “Guess we’ll find out at three.”

  He let out a low, throaty chuckle. “Guess we will.”

  With that, he tipped an imaginary hat at me but made no move to turn away. I felt his gaze on my back, like a warm ray of sunshine, all the way until Britt, Sara, and I walked into school.

  THE FIRST RAYS OF THE SUN were just peeking over the horizon when Mom drove me to school. My stomach fluttered with nerves and there was an empty hollowness in my chest. I suddenly felt very homesick for my old high school in Richmond. Sophie would probably be meeting our other two friends, Michelle and Quinn, at the bench next to the bike racks. And Tanner would be pulling into the parking lot in his parents’ old BMW. He’d park in the spot third from the left in the last row, next to Dylan and Grant, and he’d walk all the way around the building to find Sophie….

  “You okay?” Mom asked, pulling me from my thoughts, as she eased her car into the line of vehicles slowly making their way up to the front of Chamberlain High School.

  “Yeah,” I said, sitting up a little straighter in the seat. Unwilling to confess how much I missed my friends, especially Sophie, which was really messing with my head, I added, “I’m just nervous. I’ve never been the new kid before.”

  And it was true. Even in kindergarten I’d had my neighbor Carrie to accompany me to the first day of school. And I’d known other kids from the neighborhood back then, too. This was the first time I’d ever faced the first day of school knowing absolutely no one, and it made me feel super-vulnerable and alone.

  Mom moved us over to the curb and put the car in park. Placing a hand on the back of my head, she looked me in the eyes and said, “I know this is really scary, lovey, but you can do this. The kids might be a little standoffish at first, or they might welcome you with open arms, but either way I know what an amazing person you are, and before long you’ll fit right in.”

  I gripped her free hand, trying to draw on her strength. Mom had just started her new job, where she didn’t know anybody, either. If she could do it, I could, too.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  I wanted to say more, but I was aware of the long line of cars behind us, and the fact that we were holding things up. Taking a deep breath, I reached for the door handle.

  “Your grandmother is sending a car for you this afternoon,” Mom said as I got out and turned to shut the door.

  I winced. “I can walk home, you know.”

  “Lily, it’s nearly three miles.”

  “I can walk it,” I told her, putting a little more steel in my voice. No way did I want my grandmother’s town car pulling up to the curb after school.

  Mom sighed. “We’ll have to see about getting you some transportation.”

  I closed the door, but kept my hands on the open window. “A car?” I asked hopefully.

  She smiled. “I was thinking about a Vespa.”

  “A car would be better,” I said. Dad had promised me one for my sixteenth birthday and then he’d reneged on the deal when he found out I was going to live with Mom in his mother’s guesthouse.

  “Maybe your grandmother will cosign for a loan,” Mom said.

  My stomach muscles clenched. The thing with my grandmother was that nothing was given without the expectation of something in return. Everything had strings attached: she’d been more than willing to help Mom get her residency at the hospital, but Mom had to agree to bring me to live with her on the estate, and even though Mom had never said it out loud, I knew it irked her that she’d been given little choice about where we’d call home.

  And, if I were being completely honest, I’d have to admit that I didn’t really like my grandmother. I’d tried to like her, but she was a cold, rude snob of a woman, and she thought she could control everyone through her money.

  Given our current situation, she was partially right, and that really bugged me.

  “That’s okay,” I told Mom. “A Vespa would be fun. I’ll look around for something used.”

  I had money saved from the generous checks my grandmother had sent every year on my birthday. Maybe I could swing a Vespa on my own.

  Mom tried to hide it but I saw a bit of relief in her eyes. “That’s my girl,” she said. “Call me when you get home, okay?”

  I nodded and shut the car door, turning to face the school.

  Chamberlain High was a big place, built in that style that most high schools are constructed—like a prison. I had to tamp down the urge to turn and run.

  Squaring my shoulders, I took my first steps away from the car, and resisted the temptation to wave at Mom. I knew she was watching me climb the steps up to the front door, but I couldn’t look at her or I’d lose my nerve to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  Once I was through the double doors, I pivoted to my right. Mom and I had come here the week before for student orientation, which I’d been forced to take along with four hundred incoming freshmen. Not that I have anything against freshmen, it’s just that, as a junior, I felt really out of place. It’d been a long day.

  Still, it had been good if only for the fact that I’d figured out the general layout of the school and thought I could navigate it with a little help from the map they’d given me.

  I thought wrong.

  The warning bell sounded, and I found myself in some section of the school I didn’t recognize. I tried the map, but it was no help. Kids all around me were ducking into classrooms, and I felt my palms grow moist. I didn’t know what the penalty was for being late, but I did know that coming through the door after the bell would draw a lot of attention to myself, which was the last thing I wanted on the first day.

  I looked up from the map to see the hall all but empty. My heart started to race.

  “Where the hell am I?” I muttered, flipping the map around to view it from another angle. My vision started to blur as my breathing quickened. God. In a minute I’d have to knock on a classroom door and ask a teacher how to get to my first period. How would I ever live that humiliation down?

  “You lost?” asked a deep, slightly smoky voice.

  I stiffened, and glanced up to stare into the most impossibly blue eyes I’d ever seen. The sight of the guy they belonged to stole the breath from my body.

  “I…uh…” I said, blinking furiously.

  “Where’re you headed?” he asked, moving a few steps closer to look sideways over my shoulder at the map and my schedule.

  His nearness filled me like honeysuckle invading the senses of a bee. For a moment, I was dizzy with it.

  “Mr. Rennick,” I managed as he leaned close enough to brush my arm.

  He cocked his head at me, his smile sending another wave of dizzy disorienting wonderfulness through my system.

  “You’re on the right track. Just around that corner.” Pointing ahead, he added, “First room on the right.”

  “Ah,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat. What the hell was wrong with me? I’d never had a reaction to anyone like I was having to the boy at my side. I slid a sideways glance at him, and took in his tall frame—the tight fit of his T-shirt against a well-defined torso, the ripple of biceps stretching the
fabric around the sleeves, the square line of his jaw with a bit of stubble on his chin and the ash-blond hair. It was cut close on the sides, while fuller on top, and styled in a slight peak toward the middle. I focused again on the map and found myself blinking furiously just to try to clear my head.

  “Better hurry, though,” he said, mindless of the spell he was casting on me. “Bell’s about to ring.”

  Stepping away and tilting his head to the classroom on my right, he offered me another gorgeous smile.

  “Thanks, Spence,” I said, trying to play it cool and fold up the map. And then I realized what I’d just said.

  For a second I held my breath, but when I looked at him, his expression was one of surprise. “What’d you call me?”

  “I…I…” Where the hell had that come from? Spence? I thought. I didn’t know anyone named Spence, and yet, it’d flowed right out of my mouth as smoothly as if I’d spoken it every day of my life.

  He stepped toward me again and offered his hand. I took it out of reflex, and it felt right and warm and wonderful against my palm. “Cole,” he said to me. “Spencer is my middle name.”

  Whoa! I thought. That was weird. Still, I nodded again, hoping I didn’t look too much like a bobblehead.

  “Lily,” I said quickly, embarrassed and wishing I could duck away. “Sorry, I don’t know why I called you Spence. Maybe it’s ’cause you look like a Spence.”

  Stop. Talking. I mean, what was I even saying? What did a “Spence” look like, anyway?

  Cole continued to grip my hand, and he eyed me curiously. As if there was something about me he might recognize. “Do I?”

  “Totally,” I said, but how the hell did I know?

  Just then the bell rang, and the spell between us broke. I forced a small laugh and said, “Saved by the bell.”

  Cole released me, motioning again to the classroom just around the corner.

  “Rennick’s cool,” he assured me. “He won’t give you a hard time about being late on your first day. But don’t push it. I’d hurry.”

  I nodded, waved shyly at him, and rushed away. It was several minutes later, after I’d gotten to my first period, apologized to Mr. Rennick, and been assigned a seat, that I realized my birthmark was burning.